My Story

It's hard to put my story into the perspective of one blog post. I've never done well with explaining myself in general, and I've found myself waiting for classmates to publish their posts each week and reading theirs for ideas (sorry, everyone). The only way I came up with was to organize my life experiences along a common trend that I seem to follow without fail, and that is my bad luck.

I had the fortune of being the only girl out of four siblings, and to grow up in a home filled with faith and love. Even if I don't align myself exactly with the beliefs of my parents, I'm extremely grateful for the foundation they gave me.

I'd have to say, though, that my good luck gave out at the age of three months. In August of 1992, my parents made the brilliant decision to move from San Diego, CA... to OHIO. What? I have no answers. I like snow. It's fine. Seasons aside, the job market in Ohio didn't prove to be any better than it had been in California, and my family always struggled with money. It's not something I thought of as out of the ordinary until I went to public school; when I was younger, I would read "Dear America" books and Laura Ingalls Wilder, peeking into the lives of people who actually suffered. Why did it matter that I couldn't have an American Girl doll for Christmas when Laura Ingalls traveled across the prairie and was lowkey attacked by U.S settlers for trying to defend Native Americans on their property?

 But then (when Bonnie decided I was cultured enough from all that reading to go out into the world), I got to public school. I couldn't believe the types of people that I was surrounded by actually existed. Everyone was wearing these shirts that said "Hollister." What is that? Is that a band? I actually asked someone that question while we were getting ready for gym class one day. She told me yes. Shoutout to Veronica, because I thought Hollister was all the rage in the music scene until 9th grade. Basically, this is a really drawn-out way to explain that making friends was hard, and that's tough to admit even now. I'd like to pretend that I fit into Amherst Junior High and at least had a small group of friends right away, but it took so much time for me to learn how to talk to other people my age that I developed a habit of fading out and observing my fellow specimen to see how they interacted with each other. I would literally go weeks without talking, which is why I have a tendency now to be quiet for long periods of time--it's just natural. Things slowly got easier as the years progressed and I made friends, but I think that this experience built character in a very unique way. I don't invest myself in relationships that I don't see a value in; it's harsh, but it's completely true. One thing that came about from me observing all those girls around me in 8th grade was that it didn't seem like anyone even liked each other. No one cared about anything except the clothes they were wearing ("Wow," I thought to myself, "Hollister must be really good live!"), and since my mom couldn't afford to buy me new clothes, I didn't think I had anything to talk to them about. My family couldn't afford for me to play sports at school either, so I missed out on the team-building aspect of that generation.

Essentially, I spent five consecutive years learning how to make really shitty friends...and I'm so glad I did. I know what comes off now is stand-offish and even unfriendly, but I need time to invest in others because I won't put the effort in unless I know that it's worth it. I know that's not the healthiest way to approach friendships and relationships, and I'm working on it. But it's also something that I've finally come to like about myself. Even if I don't have the most money or the most friends on Facebook, I know that everything I do is honest and genuine, and that matters more to me.

Leadership Style Feedback

For this assignment, we were supposed to find someone who has worked with us either under our leadership or as our leader. As the Director of Recruitment Guides for PHA at OSU, I decided to ask one of my Rho Gams her opinion on my leadership style. I didn't expect to be surprised by the feedback she gave me, but I was. She told me that I'm an excellent listener, but until we recently became a little closer she could tell that I was extremely hesitant to give advice or feedback unless I was confident beyond a doubt that my answers were correct. This insight was pretty useful to me because I do often hold back on giving feedback because sometimes, I would rather say nothing than give the wrong answer. This has been something that I've worked hard to improve this semester, so it's nice to hear that someone noticed. One thing she said that really resonated with me was that even though it was frustrating to go without my opinion, she liked being able to count on a genuine and honest answer. I make an effort to relay only information that I feel is relevant, useful, and honest, and I'm glad that comes across to those I mentor. One of my favorite sayings is "Don't speak unless what you have to say improves upon the silence," and I think that comes through in my leadership style.

Leave an Impact

When we were asked to brainstorm about this idea in class, I had a lot of trouble thinking of anything to write down. It's a pretty broad question, and I feel as though I'm still developing ways I can impact those around me and the ideas that I have for my community and my future. If I had taken this class as a first year, I probably would have written about something solid and definitive, like the career I hope to have eventually. Last Tuesday, however, I found myself writing about kindness.

Being kind is not some big, overarching idea that needs to be worked toward. It can be performed in an instant or over a lifetime, but it's often overlooked in lieu of what we deem more important: work, progress, relationships, life. My vision involves all of us inserting kindness into each of these themes and sitting back to watch the great things that happen. Did you have a tough middle school/junior high/high school experience? I know I did (Thanks again, Bonnie, for all those years of homeschooling to prepare me for the experience), and thinking about how much easier that atmosphere would have been to integrate into with support and understanding makes me question the values that we all have behind our intentions. Are they the same ones that we would want to raise our kids with? Some general thoughts:

• Not everyone can make themselves vulnerable.
  This is something that it took me a long time to realize--even if I'm quiet, I try to put meaning and honesty into everything I say. If you're like that, too, try to understand that not everyone operates this way (few people do). If you don't identify with this type of communication, I suggest having a vulnerable conversation with someone; it's so meaningful and makes you open up a lot more than you probably thought you could. 
• Being able to relate to others is a skill.
  Not everyone is like you. In fact, no one is like you. You're surrounded by people with similar economic backgrounds--and if you're in a student org, you're surrounded by people with similar values. But you're also surrounded by people with vastly different backgrounds and upbringings, with different life experiences that you cannot even begin to imagine. One of my favorite sayings tells us to be kind to everyone we meet, because they're going through a battle we don't know about. Although it's a little dramatic, it's true. Do your best to relate to everyone you interact with, especially in meaningful relationships. If you can't relate to a person, you're unable to perceptualize their situation and how hard or long it might be. 
• I thought I had a third point but I don't. And just two bullet points looks dumb. 

Be kind. :) 

Conflict Management Activity

Issue: The executive board of a sorority on Ohio State’s campus is collecting their members’ dues to pay for their own membership dues and for extemporaneous things, such as alcohol, expensive dinners, and designer clothes. A newly elected member of the exec board learns of this and doesn't want it to continue. What does she do? She knows that by exposing this it would ruin everyone’s reputation.

Solution: First, the new executive board member should address her fellow board members and express how she feels. It may be the situation that her fellow leaders feel similarly but are afraid to speak up, and by taking initiative she could solve the problem within the chapter and not make it a public scene. If this does not work, the member should write a letter to the national headquarters of her chapter explaining the issue. It is the responsibility of an executive board member to report her own chapter if she feels that they are not adhering to their values, and it is the responsibility of the headquarters to appropriately deal with issues that arise in their chapters. The national association should be able to step in and respectfully and tactfully deal with the issue, bringing the least possible public attention to the negligence of their chapter. 

Applying Tuckman's Stages of Group Dynamics to Pitch Perfect

Main characters of the group: 

Aubrey: Acts as the initial leader of the group

-       Very controlling/dictatorial

-       Opinion giver: emphasizes her way or no way- lives in the tradition and appearance of her group 

-       Causes a lot of the conflict- reason for a lot of what happens in the storming stage

-       Lacks empathy towards the members of her group “

-       Relational leaderships requires communication skills that help each person seek to understand other, not just persuade them.” (page 170)

-       Becomes a follower at the end

-       Chloe:

-       Mediator: tries to keep playing field even, does not like conflict

-       What Aubrey lacks in empathy, Chloe makes up for it as a secondary leader

-       Lacks a true voice in the group

-       Beca:

-       Seen as a “blocker” by Aubrey: Aubrey sees Beca as a negative person who does not care about the group/ wants the group to fail

-       Opinion Giver: Shares her ideas with the Bellas about how to make their performance better

-       Encourager: Listens to the opinions of everyone in the group and encourages individuality

-       In the end, Beca’s sympathetic attitude towards the group and her want for the group to succeed makes her the new leader

-       Fat Amy, Cynthia Rose, Lilly:

-       Add diversity to the group

-       Act as followers: listen to Aubrey and is willing to support the group’s actions

-       3 Dimensions of a Group

-       - Purpose: To win nationals.

-       - Structure: In the beginning Aubrey is the one and only leader while Chloe is just her follower. She is almost dictator like, and is only an opinion giver instead of an opinion seeker. As the movie goes on this changes; the Bellas work together, and all use their unique personalities and talents for the betterment of the group.

-       - Time: The Bellas spend many hours a week to prepare for competitions. This goes on for the entirety of the school year/until Nationals.

-       Group Development

 Forming: Aubrey and Chloe conduct the Forming stage of the progress of the group when they focus in the beginning of the movie on recruiting pretty, “bikini-ready” girls as they audition singers for The Bellas. In the beginning of the film, Aubrey and Chloe pass out fliers for The Bellas at the student involvement fair. Chloe is receptive to basically everyone, while Aubrey is more selective, remarking on Fat Amy’s self-given nickname and speaking harshly to Beca when she criticizes The Bellas. During auditions, Chloe and Aubrey exhibit the common purpose of the group as they search for women who have what they are looking for: vocal skills and good looks. After selections, the group showcases empowerment through ritual in initiation by making it clear that the new members should be proud of having made the cut; the post-ritual party of all the acapella groups shows their desire to promote the group as a whole through inclusivity and welcoming the new members to their lifestyle.

-       Storming: Beca is the main protagonist during the Storming stage of “Pitch Perfect.” She attempts to be ethical by protesting some things Aubrey does that she feels are mean; for example, when Aubrey ejects a new member for having relations with a Treble by making the member leave The Bellas’ meeting and dragging her chair after her, Beca speaks up and says that wasn’t necessary. Aubrey feels challenged and confronts Beca after the meeting, but Beca does not concede. This introduces the Storming stage that lasts for a significant part of the film. Beca continues to challenge Aubrey’s authority by contesting The Bellas’ old-fashioned style, but Aubrey refuses to compromise. Later, during a performance, Beca sings a different harmony without warning, causing the group members to lose their concentration and Aubrey to confront her. Beca leaves The Bellas, and Chloe and Aubrey continue to conflict over song and performance choices.

-       Norming: Norming is performed when Beca returns to group later in the movie. Beca comes back because she realizes that her reasons for joining the group have changed (i.e., she actually enjoys being a contributing member), and Aubrey accepts her back into the group because she realizes the purpose of The Bellas is not only to be a group of “hot” singers, but to grow as a team and learn new skills, some of which include using new material. The group decides to try out one of Beca’s remixes in a scene which exemplifies the Norming stage, using their new skills in a mash-up number. Empowered by their new skills and purpose, The Bellas are able to form a more cohesive group by sharing more responsibility between all of the members.

-       Performing: This stage is shown at the final performance. The group is able to use their new skills that they collaboratively developed and showcase them in a remix mash-up of songs that empowers each member by allowing them to use their individual talents (beat-boxing, dancing, etc.). The Bellas are able to win the competition only because they are finally at the Performing stage, where each member is showing the core purpose of the group.

-       Adjourning: The Adjourning stage of “Pitch Perfect” recognizes the progress of the group through a scene of the following year’s acapella auditions. They are looking for a more diverse, inclusive style that identifies with a broader range of applicants. 

Feeling Colorful

In class on Tuesday, we took a personality test from which we were assigned colors. Mine was Green: I'm driven by motivation, confidence, and logic, and have high expectations for most situations. I value equality- unfairness is one of the few things that can make me truly upset. The group of "Greens" was the smallest; out of the entire classroom, there were only three of us, which surprised me. I also noticed that Blue, the color for affectionate, empathetic, warm people who value feelings and emotion, was pretty far down on the scale of closeness for everyone in my group, but I came just a few points away from being a Blue. It's interesting to me that two categories that can seem so far apart actually both describe me really well. I consider myself to be a motivated and logical person, but I'm motivated by my passions and I believe that sometimes thinking logically means putting yourself in someone else's shoes.

We also took an MBTI personality test. My description was INFJ (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging). At first, I was a little offended. I'm shy, but I don't consider myself an introvert. But the description of introvert clarifies that these people might just develop deeper relationships with fewer individuals, and that's something I can really relate to. I would rather have five close friends than 50 acquaintances, but I've also realized that there isn't anything wrong with just being surface friends with some people. I don't mean that in a shallow way; I just mean that we're all busy, and there's literally not enough time in the week for everyone to be best friends or get to know everyone they come into contact with on a personal level. Introverted people also recharge with alone time, which is definitely something I do. When I come home at night after being at the Union or class for 10 hours, my roommates know that I need to just go into my room for the next 45 minutes before I can come out and act energetic and social.

The term "Judging" threw me off at first as well, but it's just another way of saying what the color Green says about me: I have high expectations and a good sense of what others can excel at. This makes me proficient at delegating tasks and taking on exactly the right activity that I know I can do best.

The best part this test was that INFJ only describes about 1% of the population...and my little is an INFJ too! Obviously, we are a match made in heaven.

What is your mission statement?

Think about your gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, special abilities or disabilities, age, social economic status, religion, birth order, and any other possible influences that come to mind. How have these factors influenced your personality and learning preferences?

The theme that jumps out at me the most within this question is "birth order." I have three brothers: Isaac, who is 19; Eli, 24; and Jeremie, who is 36. Since Jeremie is so much older than the rest of us, I felt like the middle child growing up and that really influenced the way I perceived my surroundings. This might sound a little dramatic, but I viewed everything as a challenge. I wanted to be smarter, faster, and cooler than all of my brothers in everything. New neighbors? They better like me more than they like my brothers. A tree? I'm going to climb that way faster than Isaac can. There are cookies in the kitchen? LOL at whoever thinks they're getting there faster than I am. 

Even though growing up as a middle child gave me a tough exterior, I also developed compassion and have always been able to easily empathize with others. I may have fought Eli and Isaac for all of the treats in our house, but Eli was my idol and I was fiercely protective of Isaac. Isaac, who is 3 years younger than me, didn't speak (English) until he was 3 years old. Instead, he spoke a weird, Chinese-sounding language that only I could understand. I also dragged him around by his hair because I thought he was my personal doll to play with. 

While I was busy dressing Isaac up like an American Girl doll, I was also trying to be as much like Eli as I possibly could. I learned every word to "A Whole New World" because Aladdin was Eli's favorite Disney movie, and when that wasn't good enough, I learned to play it on our keyboard in the hopes that he would realize how cool I actually was. He didn't. Jeremie, on the other hand, thought I was the bomb.com, but since I never had to work to earn his favor I didn't really care as much.

This was just a really long way to say that growing up, I've always experienced this common theme of feeling the odd one out. I've let it effect the way I interact with others, the things I choose to be involved in, and the way I carry out that involvement. If I have one regret, it's that it took me until pretty recently to realize this about myself. To take that a bit further, I wish I could also have realized a bit earlier that that's okay. This mentality means that I am totally comfortable putting myself in someone else's shoes; I can see experiences, situations, and feelings both objectively and subjectively. Being able to relate to others has been one of the biggest assets to my experience as a collegiate. 

My mission statement: To continue to be an advocate for others, while never losing sight of my own goals, passions, and dreams.